My God, My God,
I don ' t know how I can make it through this. The dearest person You gave to me was my son and now he ' s been taken away - snatched - no warning - no preparation. My heart is so heavy, so crushed, so lonely, seemingly torn beyond repair. My mind is plagued by thoughts: if only; what if; shoulds; why? At times I ' m numb or in a fog, waiting to wake up and this bad dream to be over - but it ' s not going to.
It wasn ' t suppose to be like this. I was to watch him grow up, graduate, become a man, marry and have children - my grandchildren. He wasn ' t suppose to die before me.
From the deep anguish of my soul I cry endlessly. I ache deep within my gut. My spirit is so wounded. At times I ' m so angry at You and at other times angry at myself.
Forgiveness? I can ' t seem to find a way to forgive You, to forgive myself, to forgive my son, to forgive others.
I can ' t see beyond this horrible pain. At times I don ' t even want to go on. I can ' t see a way out of this dark abyss.
Please help me God. Help me through this pain to the other side. Help me to learn to live again - to move out of death into life. Hold me as I cry. Walk with me through the anger. Comfort me as I ache. As You heal my wounded spirit and mend my broken heart - help me to see You holding my son. Tell him all the things I want to say to him. Whisper in his ear how much I miss him and how much I love him, until we are reunited once again for all eternity.