My Garden
by Peggy Jo Stanley
June 20, 2012

It’s marvelous how God orchestrates things in my life, even painful memories which have been shadowing me since childhood.  Why does God do this?  God does this in order for me to find healing and wholeness which enables me to become who He created me to be.
The orchestrated plot went as follows:

  1.  I’ve been working in my yard to plant a flower garden.
  2. Sunday was Father’s Day and I still miss my dad even though it has been 48 years since his death.
  3. Monday I go to sozo training where I am to picture God and write down what I see.  I see a big white figure sitting on a throne which was up high – out of reach.  When picturing Jesus, He reveals the lie I’m believing - God the Father is very different than Jesus.  He says, “If you’ve seen Me, you have seen the Father.”  Another area of my life that I saw was how much of an independent spirit I have which is a way I’ve been trying to protect myself; but it is a false protection.
  4. Tuesday I go to a seminar lead by my therapist, Angel Davis.  The title was “Codependency vs. Christian Dependency.”  The words “wanting to be in control and denying our need for complete dependence on God,” stirred up my ungodly belief (lie), “I can’t trust anyone including God.  God will not be there when I need Him.”  How can I completely depend on God?
  5. Wednesday morning, as I drank coffee, sitting on my swing, watching and listening to God’s creation, I began crying out to God – asking Him to pull up all these roots in my life, so they will not keep affecting me.

All of these preceded my therapy session with Angel.  When Angel asked the Lord to bring me to the place where I first lost my trust, immediately I go to my little 10 year old who is crying and over taken with sadness because her daddy just died.  Jesus is standing in front of her.  Her anger rises, not just at God the Father, but at Jesus too.  Jesus wanted me to leave my dad and go to Him.  I didn’t want God the Father.  I didn’t want Jesus.  I wanted my dad!  I start beating my little fists on Jesus’ chest, my anger exploding saying, “I hate you.  I don’t want you.  I want my dad.”  As I’m doing this Jesus is holding me and allowing me to get all the anger out.  After I’m done raging, Jesus just stands there.  I get the sense little pj needs to give all of her anger and hurt and surrender her dad to Him.  She couldn’t.  She wanted her dad back.  I, as the adult Peggy Jo, realized she needed help.  I entered the scene and walked up to her.  I told her as an adult, “God has been there for me.  God is loving me and revealing His grace and mercy.  I know how scary this is for you.  How you have been hurt over and over.  How you have learned not to trust anybody.  I know we love our dad so much and we don’t want to give him up.  We don’t want to let go of the only person who showed loved to us.  Jesus wants us to give all of this to Him so He can teach us how God the Father wants to be Abba Father to us.”

I reached for her hands and together we place all the pain of our dad’s death into Jesus’ hands.

The pain was transformed into a treasure box.  Jesus treasures my dad and us.  Jesus treasures how we were able to give our pain to Him.
As we are all huddled together, hands on the treasure box, Jesus wraps His arms of love around us
We all three turn to face the sun beginning to peek from behind the horizon and begin walking hand-in-hand.  It is a new day.

How does all of this tie into my working in the garden?

To have fertile soil in which plants could bloom and flourish, I’ve been breaking up the bad dirt which is intertwined with roots.  Because of all the years passing, the dirt had become very hard and had many roots.  It’s taking me a while and it’s been tiring work.  As I wielded the mattock it penetrated the layers of dirt, getting under the roots – exposing the root system.  I am able then to pull the roots up, getting them out of my garden bed.  When I finish getting the old out, I’ll be able to bring in new fertile soil.  The flowers I plant will be able to grow and bloom creating life.

The Lord showed me what I’ve been doing physically in my garden is what He is doing spiritually in my soul.  The breakthroughs I’ve been having is God exposing and pulling up my bad roots – ungodly beliefs rooted in the dirt of bad experiences in my life.

Today God rooted up the main root where I began to not trust God or His Word.  Now the other roots will not be as hard.  I saw all of the other roots attached to this main root.  All of my other roots have lost their source of nourishment.  They cannot get any bigger.  The will die.  God’s flowers will now be able to grow and blossom in my life!

To God be all the glory and praise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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